In February 2010 I received news that I was going to be a father. At first I was in disbelief because Dawn and I had mostly concluded that like many other couples trying to have a child, it just wasn't going to happen. When Dawn told me the news, I was overwhelmed with many different emotions. Excitement, fear, denial, shock, and more disbelief.
Dawn scheduled a doctor appointment as soon as we found out she was pregnant. Until we could get in and see him, I mostly went about my regular routine trying not to think too much about becoming a father. It's not that I wasn't excited; I was. But I didn't want to get too attached to the idea of fatherhood because of the risk of some type of complication such as a miscarriage occurring. On top of that, it was an EPT home test that had delivered the news, and I know these things can sometimes be wrong, so I needed a 2nd confirmation from a doctor.
A couple of weeks later, we finally got to see the doctor. It was almost like a routine checkup. Weigh in, draw some blood, and other basic stuff..... And then they started handing us baby stuff, like samples of baby formula, bottles, wipes, a baby journal, and an assortment of other baby things. This catapulted me from the uncertain mode to the I'm going to be a daddy phase, and removed any doubts about a baby coming into my life.
A few more weeks passed and Dawn wasn't showing any signs of being pregnant. No morning sickness, no pudgy belly, everything seemed like business as usual. Although she was showing signs of fatigue, I once again started drifting back into a state of uncertainty. Had the doctor been wrong? Had the EPT been wrong? Worse yet, had they both been right, but something was wrong with the baby? Even Dawn started worrying a little, but neither of us tried to let it show, so we just reassured each other that nothing was wrong, although I think we both had it in our minds that something wasn't right.
Dawn had told a few close friends and family that a baby was on the way by this point, but I had still not shared the news with anyone. I was still nervous and didn't want to spread the news until we were further along. After all the first trimester is the most risky, so I needed a couple more doctor visits under my belt before I started spreading the news. It was still a few more weeks until we'd return to the doctor, so I'd just anxiously await until our next visit.
Friday, February 26, 2010
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